Where There is Love There is Sight
I will always remember the first time someone prayed over me using he and they pronouns interchangeably. You may have noticed my Zoom account says my pronouns are he/they, and when I introduce myself, I often say, “I’m Tyler. I use he and they pronouns.” This minister heard me, and decided to use both pronouns as he prayed. In those few moments, I felt seen and heard in a way I can’t describe in words. The thought still brings tears to my eyes.
For people who don’t quite fit in the gender boxes available, navigating the world is often an experience of being erased. Sometimes that erasure is overt, as when I was told over and over as a child, “Boys don’t do that.” Other times, it’s structural, like when I’ve had to choose a public restroom, and had a stranger give me the evil eye or outright say, “This is the men’s room.” The net effect is that over a lifetime, a child begins to find themselves erased bit by bit.
This is what’s at stake in states like Idaho, or school districts like Roseburg, where legislators and administrators try to enact legislation and policies asserting that gender-queer children don’t exist. Our nonbinary, trans, and gender-expansive children are being intentionally erased and excluded from public spaces. People who don’t believe they should exist, are trying to make those beliefs a reality.
This is why it seemed so important a couple weeks ago when the leadership of the Council of Conference Ministers brought a proposed pastoral letter to our body, asking us to endorse it. The CCM doesn’t often make joint public statements. We are a wildly diverse group of individuals who lead a wildly diverse bunch of churches in the United Church of Christ, and we can rarely agree on what we want to say. So I held my breath as I watched the conversation unfold, and was overjoyed when the entire body agreed to speak as one voice, saying we see and affirm our siblings who are trans and nonbinary, and calling on the whole church to do the same.
You can find the statement, made by consensus, here. It says, in part, “To our transgender and nonbinary siblings: we offer you our encouragement, support, and love. We will remain at your side as long as others threaten your dignity and worth. We honor your courage and your faith. The world needs you not as others want you to be, but as you truly are.”
As a reminder of my call to ordained ministry, I wear a bracelet that says, “Ubi amor ibi oculus est,” which means, “Where there is love there is sight.” During this Pride month, when your trans, nonbinary, and gender-expansive children are under threat of being erased from public spaces, I invite you to inoculate them against erasure. Love them by seeing them. It means more than you can know.
As always, thanks for being the church for this time and this place. This month, thanks especially for being the church that loves your queer family by seeing us, and inviting us to be seen more fully.
Blessings,
Tyler
Photo by Michael Fenton on Unsplash
